Code Name: EL COOPACABRA
Birthplace: Goodland, Kansas
File Name: Cooper, Christopher
Primary Specialty: Content Strategy
Secondary Specialty: Sarcasm
Chris honed his skills of persuasion and smooth talk at his parents' bar and grill in the mid-80s. At age seven, he found he could convince people to give him quarters so he could play arcade games all day. He also spent his days riding his bike over shoddy, homemade ramps, breaking rocks with a hammer to “see the insides,” drinking Roy Rogers, watching music videos on MTV (when they still played them), and writing letters to “Weird Al” Yankovic's fan club.
Chris experienced early writing success in grade school when he penned a poem about a flatulence-based event that destroyed his parent's bar (and the entire town), resulting in the Army trying to restore order. The final line of this brilliant piece: “They gave me some X-lax, it calmed me down. As I walked out the door, I said, “where is the town?””
He was also a multi-year finalist (Three-peat!?) of a local conservation contest where he submitted riveting, environmentally-conscious limericks ("There once was a man named Bob, all of his friends called him a slob...") made into posters. The accompanying artwork was never evaluated, but rest assured, it was brilliant as well.
Chris has an extensive collection of "Weird Al" Yankovic cassette tapes and runner-up poetry plaques.
Note: This page was inspired by the G.I. Joe profile cards I collected as a kid.